Saturday, May 2, 2009

In reference to the fact that he was good at Soccer in highschool

A list of names that make reference to the fact that he was also good at Soccer throughout highschool.

  • Kevin "Corner Kick" Garnett

  • Kevin "Pele" Garnett

  • Kevin "World Cup" Garnett

  • Kevin "The Multitalented Avenger" Garnett

  • Kevin "What a fucking tall soccer player when you think about it" Garnett

  • Kevin "Shin Guard" Garnett

  • Kevin "The Goalie" Garnett

In reference to the fact that he used to play for the Minnesota Timberwolves

A list of nicknames that reference the fact that he played for the Minnesota Timberwolves for over a decade:

  • Kevin "Hungry like a timberwolf" Garnett

  • Kevin "Jesse Ventura" Garnett

  • Kevin "Rabid" Garnett

  • Kevin "The Fierce Canine" Garnett

  • Kevin "A timberwolf, eh?" Garnett (must be spoken in Minnesotan accent)

  • Kevin "I carried a team for over a decade mostly by myself" Garnett

  • Kevin "Not a Viking" Garnett

In reference to his 7-for-1 trade deal to the Celtics

A list of names that reference this enormous trade deal of seven players or draft picks for one Kevin Garnett:

  • Kevin "The Deadly Sin" Garnett

  • Kevin "Big Money Boston" Garnett

  • Kevin "Crap Shooter" Garnett

  • Kevin "Kevin Spacey is the bad guy" Garnett

  • Kevin "Seven-Eleven" Garnett

  • Kevin "my name rhymes with how many other players I'm worth" Garnett

  • Kevin "worth more than your life" Garnett

They don't make 'em like they used to

The Big Ticket is a stupid nickname. I said it. You were all thinking it and I said it. It doesn't have that same... "je ne sais quoi" that the basketball nicknames yore had. Names like "Magic" Johnson, "Air" Jordan, "Dr. J" Erving, or my personal favorite "Dr. Dunkenstein" Darrell Griffith. When names were given to players it was because of heart, and simple names like Magic, Air, or Doctor really made those players legends. Dr. Dunkenstein wasn't simple but how is that name bad?

Kevin Garnett's nicknames are just pathetic... "The Big Ticket" makes him seem like he's a side show at the local circus... and calling him "Franchise" is just plain ol' ridiculous. We gotta come up with a better nickname for this guy. Something as good as "The Mailman" Karl Malone.

I may not succeed... but at least I've tried... and maybe, just maybe, I'll come up with the new nickname for this legend... as quoted by someone I don't need to name: "Anything is Possible."